Peewee football dads, tennis moms and ambitious coaches eager to produce future Olympians may be seeking athletic success through the success of their children or students.
In its extreme form, this phenomenon is called achievement by proxy and differs from the positive support given to children by conscientious parents and coaches, notes the October issue of the Penn State Sports Medicine Newsletter. Parents and coaches (who may be the same person) need to take an occasional reality check to determine if their involvement in a child's athletic activities is healthy.
Clearly, some child athletes suffer from the pressure of societal and adult pushiness. Howard G. Knuttgen, Ph.D., editor-in-chief of the Penn State Sports Medicine Newsletter, notes, "At both the secondary school and intercollegiate levels, I see more agony and stress than I see enjoyment on the part of the athletes.
I do not see the girls involved in Olympic gymnastics having much fun, unless they end up with gold medals hanging around their necks. They don't seem to be enjoying the total experience, adds Knuttgen, a member of the Medical Commission of the International Olympic Committee. If that's true, outside of its value for TV entertainment, what are the objectives of such competition?
Dr. Ian Toffer, psychiatrist at Louisiana State University and the Children's Hospital of New Orleans, describes the stages of adult, especially parental, involvement in athletics. It begins with healthy pride and support for the child's athletic achievements. At the next step, parents may take a second or third job, move closer to a gym and training facility or send their children to sports hatcheries" for year-round training.
At level three, the parent places increasing pressure on the child to perform, even if the child is injured or ambivalent about participation. The child becomes an instrument of adult goals.
With the fourth and most ominous stage, parents become self-serving and encourage their children in endeavors that risk their physical and emotional health. Parents rationalize their actions by telling themselves that all this is done to satisfy the child's love of athletic competition. In reality, the parent's true motive is recognition or financial gain -- for the parent. At this point, achievement by proxy degenerates into a form of child abuse.
Kate Hays, Ph.D., a clinical and sport psychologist in Concord, N.H., says that parents should periodically ask themselves questions such as: "What is my agenda for promoting my child's athletic ability?"; "What are my child's physical limitations?"; "What are the potential physical or emotional risks?"; "Does sports affect other important aspects of my child's life?"; "Do my emotions get out of control?"; and "How does my child's involvement in sports affect the rest of my family?"
J.P. Morrow, Ph.D., a sports psychologist and professor of psychology at Iona College in New York, says, "Parents should encourage their children to become involved; they should support their children; and they should be present to show that support. They can soothe feelings when children are disappointed and should reinforce the notion that sports are supposed to be fun.
"Parents have to step back, however, and understand what motivates their children to achieve," Morrow notes. "It is not normal for children to voluntarily want five or six hours a day of supervised instruction."
Parents have the obligation to see that their children's lives are balanced. Young people should have other hobbies, friends outside of their sport and responsibilities around the house. Research shows that adults who have several roles are more satisfied with their lives. This same rule applies to children and adolescents.
"Most young people engage in athletics because they want to have fun, to be with their friends, to learn skills and to be part of the excitement of sports," says Jim Kestner, development director for the American Sport Education Program. "But parents may have a completely different agenda for their kids.
"Children who improve their skill in sports and have fun at the same time are prepared for a lifestyle of health and fitness," says Kestner. "Those who have unpleasant experiences early on may never regain their enthusiasm to participate as adults."